IRStupid
Hey, remember this?
Yeah, me too.
How does that saying go? Fool me once, shame on you?
Shame on you, IRS. Shame on you for making a poor young girl cry and then make her put her taxes on her credit card and then rack up credit card debt. Debt she is still paying. Shame on you.
Now, I've seen those commercials that are all "Did you turn 40 this year? Did you have a baby? Did you see a falling star? You qualify for a tax cut! Check out our fancy website!" And I think to myself, "I could totally lie about the star thing."
Because systems were meant to be worked and I didn't ditch class and flirt with TAs for three years to get a bachelor's degree just to have the stupid government take advantage of me.
So, this second time around, IRS DOT GOV, I will show you.
I will show you with my forms and with my forms and with some more forms that I will NOT be taken advantage of, I will not be made a cry baby again, I will prevail over the damn government.
Now, I don't really know how I'm going to do this. And I went to those fancy websites but they cost money which seems kinda like a bad plan on their part since their target audience is people trying to get out of paying money.
So, I thought to myself, who would know what tax breaks I can get? Well, duh, the Internet.
Like I bet Brandon is making bank off the government doing that volunteer thing. He would know. Or Kat. She's a lawyer. Or Heather Anne. She's an accountant.
I suddenly realized I was sitting on a gold mine here. So, if you tell me how I can get out of paying my taxes, I will make it worth your while.
Comments
well, i did take a tax class in law school, but i took it pass/fail, which apparently wasn't enough to get me out of that $5000 check to the u.s. treasury. so when you find out how to get out of paying your taxes, pleasepleaseplease fill me in too!
Posted by: kat | April 14, 2006 5:42 AM
Search Fair Tax on google.
Hopefully, we will all never have to pay income tax again...
Too bad it's not already in the works...
Ooohhh, do you mean now? Like the taxes that are due on Monday?
Hmmm, I don't have an answer for that one...
Posted by: Heather Leah | April 14, 2006 5:53 AM
heh. yeah, two years ago i incorporated myself as my own business, and i just so happen to write off a big chunk of my expenses from the IRS. i used to do all my taxes by hand, but this year i broke down and bought turbotax for $35, and it walks you through most of the deductions pretty easily.
oh, and kids. make sure you go out and have a lot of babies in the next year. they're a gold mine come tax time. seriously the government wants you to get pregnant. go on, now.
Posted by: brandon | April 14, 2006 6:01 AM
Heather Anne, that's the real reason you want to have matt's babies, isn't it?
Posted by: heather nicole | April 14, 2006 8:10 AM
CHILD! Look into the Hope and Lifetime Learning writeoffs.
Also, the Green Monster? Check with your accountant friends, but there are some potential tax benefits with that one!
And there has to be a "I'm a poor waif" write off somewhere.
Posted by: Sally Schilling | April 14, 2006 8:55 AM
Alright, so looks like I'm going to need to steal $35 and some children this weekend. Good thing it's a holiday weekend with lots of candy; kids are easier to steal.
Posted by: Abigail | April 14, 2006 1:04 PM
Uhhhhhhh . . . well at least you could move to Portland and not pay sales tax.
Imagine, a Starbucks on every corner. And no sales tax ever on clothes. That would be TMX!
Posted by: Amanda W. | April 14, 2006 1:20 PM
*It felt amazing just to write the letters TMX. I am saying them out loud right now. To myself.
Posted by: Amanda W. | April 14, 2006 1:22 PM
I earned so little in the financial year that the government decided to return all the tax I paid right back to me.
How about opening a charity organisation for yourself? You can just donate money to it and won't have to pay tax on it ;) I think that is considered as cheating though. *shrug*
Posted by: Aakanksha | April 14, 2006 3:44 PM
My Mom is all on board with the candy-luring-children-stealing plan. In fact, she'll join you, because my brother no longer counts. She suggested a little face paint and bunny ears - pose with the Easter Bunny! You could even get a few extra dollars for the TurboTax, too.
Posted by: Emily | April 14, 2006 3:47 PM
I am also on board with the candy-luring-children-stealing plan. Please keep the kids and send whatever candy you collect directly to me. Thank you. :)
Heather, damn you and your sleuthing skills!
Posted by: heather anne | April 14, 2006 4:11 PM