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Nekkid Girlz

I'm in Georgia with Heather Anne where I've discovered this amazing thing called TELEVISION. You'd think, what with all my constant chatting about America's Next Top Model that I'm a regular TV... junkie (junkie? really? is that the term?) but I, in fact, watch just that one show. (And all the the DVDs for every TV show that aired two years ago. We're behind the times like that in La Mirada.)

All that to say, I had no idea the sheer volume of things in the TV that could consume my life. (And also that they have truck accident attorneys! So don't wait after your truck accident! Call right now!)

Did you know there is a show about the Playboy Mansion? An actual reality show about "Hef's" "Girlfriends." It's called, "The Girls Next Door."

We watched two episodes of it (the 4th of July episode and the one where Bridget gets a dog that looks like her cat since she can't get her cat to act like a dog) twice which was not enough times for me to fully understand the whole mansion-girlfriend-centerfold situation.

So I read about seven million articles on it (the same number of the magazine circulation in the 70s). At one point last night Amy, Heather, and I were on all our laptops feverishly churning out statistics on the girls, the estate, and the fortune.

We debriefed today and it was as if Heather had forgotten everything we had learned the day before. So I fashioned her a diagram.

A: Playmates

Playmates are the centerfolds of the magazines. There is one per month and then A Playmate of the Year. This is a real honor and very competitive.

B: Bunnies

Bunnies are the girls that wear the costumes at promotional events and for photos. Before wearing the costume you must go through Bunny Training where you learn how to serve drinks correctly. Of course, they don't actually serve drinks (seriously, they are just for show) but they need to be able to demonstrate if they're asked. (Apparently there used to be Playboy clubs wear bunnies served.)

C: Girlfriends

Hef has some girlfriends. They live in his house and go on dates with him and stuff. These girls are what the show focuses on and they're the most mysterious for me. A couple years ago, Hef had as many as 8 or 9 girlfriends at a time. This was not a particularly good situation. There was a lot of competition and jealously among the girls (see AC).

Also, there is a Number One girlfriend. She gets more perks. Oh! Right! The perks. The girls get paid and they also get unlimited plastic surgery. And also a car, and also all their expenses and stuff paid.

HOWEVER, they have a curfew every night and aren't allowed to have other boyfriends. I guess polygamy isn't a two-way street.

AB: Playmates/Bunnies

Playmates are sometimes Bunnies. For example, a particularly promotional event (like a Playboy celebration) may require all past Playmates to wear the costumes. It is a privilege.

Likewise, Bunnies are sometimes Playmates. It's not easy to get into the magazine. Although Bunnies are often featured "cyber girls" on the website.

AC: Playmates/Girlfriends

This is the most controversial aspect of the Playboy dynasty. I guess it's a big dream for a lot of girls to be the Playmate of the Month/Year. So! They'll court Hef and become a girlfriend and then get him to give them the centerfold honor.

This is why there are so few girlfriends now. See, Hef's feelings were getting hurt cause these girls didn't want to be with him, they didn't love him, they just wanted to be in the magazine. It was sad times at the mansion.

And all the girls were getting in fights too cause they all wanted to be the centerfold.

BC: Bunnies/Girlfriends

Girlfriends, may, if they so desire, sport the Bunny. They're not required to since it's not their job, but since it's such a honor and when you think about the symbol of the costume and how much Playboy has accomplished over the past 50 years, I don't know why you wouldn't want to. Which is what Holly said when Kendra said she wasn't sure she wanted to wear it.

Kendra finally agreed to wear it, only to chicken out in the dressing room. She tells us on the confessional cam that if there was a sporty bunny she would totally wear it.

ABC: Playmates/Bunnies/Girlfriends

Rarely, a girl can occupy all three categories. The Number One gf right now has accomplished all three. I believe many of the girlfriends in the past had also accomplished this, before Hef's feelings got hurt. Now, I guess it's unlikely that a girlfriend will be a centerfold. I don't think Kendra cares, though. Unless there is like a sporty centerfold?

This is the kind of information I would spew to my mom growing up and she would say, "Abigail, if you devoted this much energy to school then you would be getting straight A's!"


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This was very entertaining, Abigail. Seriously! =)

Not to be a know it all but Holly hasn't actually been a playmate but she and the other girlfriends have done two photoshoots for the magazine.

Also, I wonder if the girls are allowed to sleep with each other?

[unrelated: why does my computer have "fitzgerald" saved as my name?]

this was like, the most awesomest post ever.


Once at O'Hare airport I saw some bunnies/playmates (not girlfriends because I think they would have traveled in a different group). I could tell eventhough they were NOT wearing any outfits.

Holly, you should see the show!

Catherine, I did forget to mention the girlfriends promo shoots for the mag. Of course, they were just shoots and didn't make them playmates. And yes, they're allowed to sleep with each other. (They don't, though.)

Kat, it's no secret that the "remember me" function on my comments is tricky. It usually just puts something there that you recently typed. And it's no suprise to me that you recently typed fitzgerald.

Sally, were you so jealous cause, like, it's such a honor?

That was probably one of the most informational posts I've read all day. I feel full of more knowledge now and I can understand Girls Next Door. And I really with I was kidding with all of this, but I'm being perfectly serious. So, thanks!

Heather B., I'm not kidding when I say this show totally rocks. I don't know what I'm going to do when I go back to the land of no tv.

I feel like I've learned so much. Thank you, Abigail.

I probably shouldn't be writing this in a public forum, but I can't believe that you were watching this show because...I was too!! Seriously I almost bought the whole season on Itunes yesterday. Kathy and Amanda will remember that a few months ago I got obsessed with the playboy dynasty and read everything on the internet about it (including playboy.com, which should make my internet history look stellar). They totally made fun of me about it, but it takes a lot of work to understand. Anyways, this made me happy. You just helped me legitimize many many hours of my time.

Thank you for the breakdown...really. I have been so confused about the Playboy heirarchy, and I've tried to watch the show, but it was all so confusing. Is there an IQ requirement for the girlfriends? Because if I had to guess, I'd say it can't reach over 79. But then, this is coming from someone who couldn't quite grasp the bunny/playmate/girlfriend rules, so who am I to judge?

I have TV! Move up here.

Seriously, though. We are getting a 61-inch tv today. Can you IMAGINE watching the bunnies on that baby?

Hey, ok
so for friday q day -

What show on Television, running at any time, on any network, in any decade, would you have liked to be on?

Maybe could you photoshop yourself into a picture or two from the show, you know... give it that life-like flair.

Jennie, you're so welcome.

Cate, we will be watching as much Girls Next Door as we can when I get home.

Elizabeth, believe it or not, one of the current girlfirends (Bridget) has an MA! So I guess no IQ requirement.

Heather Nicole, I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.

Amanda Mae, just you wait for my life-like flair.

Yeah, all those Playboy articles. That was always the draw for me, too!

Tim, turns out the photography isn't that interesting when you already know what naked girls look like. ;)

I love that you made a Venn diagram.

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