Abigail M. Schilling

If there is something I like more than buying stuff, it's getting stuff for free because I buy stuff. This is why I love credit cards with bonus points (case in point (haha): my most often swiped cards are Starbucks and Gap). This is why I love two-fors at the grocery store.

So, when Clinique emailed me last week to let me know it was Bonus Time at Bloomingdale's, I immediately worked a trip into my budget and made calls to my like-minded friends.

What I didn't take into account is that my proximity to Bloomingdale's changed drastically when I moved. The move itself was not drastic--less than 10 miles and only one city limit. But the move put us in the heart of Los Angeles County.

We used to live on the border of Orange County and L.A. County. We'd scoff when Seth and Ryan would joke about the traffic in crazy LA County. "They're trying to make it seem like there are different freeways!" we'd say. "Like it's two different worlds!" "Like it's so far apart!" Easy for us to say. We were equidistant from Newport Beach and West Hollywood.

Now? Not so much. We are equi-distant from Newport Beach and, oh, I don't know, Ventura?

Newport Beach, consequently, is where Bloomingdale's happens to be. Imagine that.

Also, all the freeways are different.

I take a lot of pride in my sense of direction so when I got us terribly lost on Sunday, I had rage and was also embarrassed. So you too can join in my shame, I've provided a diagram.

The green indicates the correct path from the top of frame via the 405 to Bloomingdale's. The red indicates the path we took. (More notes below.)

1. This is the part where the freeway we were on turned into a street and I could Marissa drinking on the beach. I said to Alisa and Carolyn, "this is not right. We are supposed to exit MacArthur. But there is no more freeway." Alisa suggested the route she always took which involved side streets going south to our destination. I shot her down because I liked my MacArthur way better. We get back on the freeway, this way heading in the direction of MacArthur.

2. Aha! I say! MacArthur. And since my acute memory tells me that Bloomingdale's is on the ocean side of the freeway, we go West. For a long long time. (It turns out I was right about the ocean side thing, we were just on the wrong freeway). At one point Carolyn says, "we're in Santa Ana." I say, "how the hell did we get in Santa Ana? We've been going West forever! I don't understand how we haven't hit either the mall or the ocean yet." My mom calls while we're on this stretch and tells me a story. When the story is over and we still haven't hit ocean I start to worry. We make phone calls to people with maps or internet.

3. We finally get Alisa's husband on the phone. He gives us the green directions. The ones I've known all along but have mixed up because I now live in L.A. County. He finds us on the map and tells us we're very close to the 405. We get on 405. Finally. We lost a whole hour.

4. This is where IKEA is. I just thought it important to note that since I travel there so often. Consider it a frame of reference. Also, we passed it twice and didn't stop. That's how poor I am.