When I say nipple, I almost always mean it in the baby bottle way
My friend Joe is having a baby. Well, actually, his wife is having the baby, and Joe helped. You know, with the baby-making process.
Anyway, they're having their first baby and it's very exciting and all because, well, babies are exciting. You know, new life.
So, on account of because of the new baby there is a very big shower tomorrow to celebrate Joe and his wife and the new baby and the new life. It's very exciting.
And if there is nothing I love more than new life, it's buying things so Heather Nicole and I headed over to Target (please don't ever pronounce it Tar-jay because that happens to be on the list of five hundred and ninety seven things that annoy me) to check out the registry and buy some fun baby gifts.
After clicking through about one million "Joe"s in "California" on the registry we found their list and after finding their list on three registry kiosks, we found one that would be print.
Around the printing step I became overwhelmed because as much as I love new life, babies are so much work and that totally stresses me out. So Heather took the list from me and began picking items out.
"Alright, let's narrow this down. What do you want to buy?" she asked, lips pursed as she read the seven pages of different gear.
"How about one medium-to-big item and two small, fun items."
"How do you feel about the word 'nipple'? Fun?"
And so it was to be determined that we would get a munchkin bottle and nipple brush (nipple brush in handle!). By the way, all baby merchandising is branded with lower-case letters. What is with that?
I noticed that next to the munchkin bottle and nipple brush (nipple brush in handle!) was a munchkin deluxe dishwasher basket (includes 3 travelware infant feeding spoons!). And I could get one that MATCHED the munchkin bottle and nipple brush (nipple brush in handle!)!
"Babies are so much work! They're so high-maintenance! They need so much stuff!" It was Heather's turn to hyperventilate.
"Yes! But look at all the gear they come with!"
Apparently, I can be convinced of anything if there is gear involved.
Comments
You got the Kiddopotamus Swaddle Me Baby Tortilla though, right?
Posted by: heather anne | November 3, 2006 7:40 AM
Ok, I'll ask. What the hell is a nipple brush?
Posted by: Jennie | November 3, 2006 7:43 AM
Jennie. I had to ask that about, oh, nineteen times and I could actually SEE THE NIPPLE BRUSH.
Ahem.
A nipple brush is basically a toilet bowl scrubbing-esque device that is shaped so that it will fit into the nipple of a bottle to clean it.
I think a more apt product name would be BIRTH CONTROL! USE IT!
Posted by: heather nicole | November 3, 2006 8:25 AM
I think that by spending time with so many little people has made me averse to these situations. I mean I totally know what a nipple is and a nipple brush and that there are three pieces to a sippy cup and don't you dare try to give me the sippy cup with just a top because I will cut you.
I can also give a baby a bottle while on the phone.
Ortho tricyclen has nothing on spending that much time with a child.
Posted by: Heather B. | November 3, 2006 10:14 AM
Heather Anne, no tortillas in these parts. Maybe you stole them all? Wanna be honest?
Jennie, see Heather's comment. Also: the nipple brush fits in the handle of the big brush. I feel like that's a perfect place to breed bacteria. I guess that's what the dishwasher thing is for?
Heather Nicole, the product you suggest speak those words under certain circumstance or is it a cross-stitched pillow?
Heather B., are you trying to tell us something? Because I can totally maneuver baby registries now.
Posted by: Abigail | November 3, 2006 11:37 AM
I got here via the NaBloPoMo Randomizer, but after reading a few posts I'm wondering if you're from Michigan. The whole Detroit World Series stuff. I don't find many MI blogs, so I thought I'd check. Since you know, I'm from Michigan and all.
Posted by: doahleigh | November 3, 2006 12:21 PM
Kids are fun until they write their first "tell-all" exposé and people in public places start to throw things at you and call you a monster.
I'm just kidding, of course.
Incidentally, when I say nipple, I almost never mean it in the baby bottle way.
Hello, Abigail.
P.S. - Those the cookies are AWESOME. Thank you so much! In all sincerity, I know my planned response to this whole thing will pale in comparison with the act itself. I am bewildered and do not possess the emotional depth to respond appropriately. So, I'll respond in my own... particular... uh...
["Idiom sir?"]
Yes! Idiom! That's it exactly.
Posted by: scott | November 3, 2006 12:52 PM
To me your life gets stranger and funnier every week! (I would say every day, but cavity = not funny)
Who woulda thunk - the key to Abs' heart is gear! ;-)
It took me 20 years before I could stop blushing at the mention of the word nipple and 21 before I could say it.
Posted by: Aakanksha | November 3, 2006 2:32 PM
Shannon of DoahLeigh, I'm not in Michigan or from it but I do love me some Midwest--I grew up in Chicago.
Scott, I'm with you. Kids are monsters. Oh, wait, you weren't saying that, were you?
Aakanksha, for the record, I am no more mature than I was 20 years ago. How many times people said 'nipple' at the shower today and I totally giggled? Infinity.
Posted by: Abigail | November 3, 2006 3:29 PM
Abs, now that you have shared that. I will admit, once the blushing was over and the ability to utter the word gained, the giggles started. I can keep a straight face in front of people, but inside, I'm giggling. It is a ticklish word. =D
Maturity? What's that again?
"Nipple"
Posted by: Aakanksha | November 3, 2006 3:58 PM
nipple and boob....
try mastitis... ouch
Posted by: Sally | November 3, 2006 9:26 PM
you don't use that nipple brush nearly as much as one might think
Posted by: Jenn (the Heather's sister) | November 4, 2006 10:52 AM
A, it's TOTALLY a ticklish word.
Sally, is that where "tits" came from? Who knew!
Jenn, maybe if it was conviently in the handle like the munchkin product?
Posted by: Abigail | November 4, 2006 1:46 PM